It’s time for Do-hyun to part ways with his alters, one by one (NOOOOOOOO) and also for us to say goodbye to them, not to forget the characters who have been there (NOOOOOOOO) for the past two and a half months. Time goes by almost unnoticed (NOOOOOOOO), and farewell is inevitable at this point. Perhaps, I would have used Se-gi’s time-freezing method to make time stop, if he had any, but it was just a wish no one could have in this world (NOOOOOOOO). Yeah, I am okay. It’s the last episode. I am okay (NOOOOOOOO).

[Episode 20] (NOOOOOOOO)

Ri-jin went straight to Dr. Seok in order to tell him about the new alter, and he remarked about X being possibly a helper made by Do-hyun as an effect of the treatment. But then, it was still unknown whether X would be helping or disturbing the treatment process for Do-hyun. Do-hyun went to his office but the one waiting for him there was X. Mr. X asked him only one question: would he like to open the bag? The image disappeared and Do-hyun realized that he had just experienced co-consciousness with the new alter.

The experience did not sit too well with him, so Secretary Ahn decided to take him home before anything happened. Do-hyun calmed down and showed all the documents he had gathered and prepared for the shareholders’ meeting, proving that he was not slacking in his work, unlike what his secretary said to him before. Yeah, he was a model student back then! Secretary Ahn informed him about the progress of their investigation, and the driver who survived the accident had been contacted. The driver had explained that Jun-pyo was the one who brought him in as the driver, hinting that Jun-pyo was the instigator of the accident. The telltale headache sign went off but Do-hyun managed to put it under control, insisting that Secretary Ahn went to meet the driver first. He was left alone to let the new fact sink in: his father was the one who killed Ri-jin’s birth mother. Soon, the headache returned in full force.

Ri-jin was walking towards the house when she saw Do-hyun, or to be exact, Yo-na (wearing the ribbon headband!), making her escape through the front door. The girl thought that she could fool Ri-jin and ran away, but Ri-jin managed to catch her red-handed, knowing too well where the bratty princess was heading to. Yo-na called out Mr. X’s name, knowing that Ri-jin would stop pestering her, but she won’t tell Ri-jin more about him. But then, she said that she’s a cool girl, and she could do ‘give and take out’, which Ri-jin corrected while chiding her (“It’s give and take, you ignorant wench!”).

Ri-on was surprised to see Ri-jin back home all of a sudden without any notice, apologizing and vowing to atone for her sin, because she had just turn him into her sacrificial lamb by bringing home Yo-na with her. Owwww no. Ri-on was on high alert at the sound of the familiar, one and only ‘Oppa!’ coming out from Yo-na’s mouth, and Yo-na got Ri-on all to herself inside his room while Ri-jin could only apologize from the outside. The girl started serenading to Ri-on before lurching towards him, ready to give him a kiss to cheer him up. Ri-on then gave her a breaking news: he’s going to the army soon, and she shouldn’t wait for him.

Yo-na was tearing up although it was just Ri-on’s ploy to get rid of her…but she knew that he was discharged from army back in 2010. LOL, he’s really underestimating the power of a stalker fan like Yo-na! She even had the document with her! Yo-na warned him not to lie to her anymore, and started snapping pictures of them together, forcing Ri-on to smile between her gritted teeth. She then kissed Ri-on and took some pictures before walking out of the room with delight.

Poor Ri-on looked like he had just been mauled by a female bear. Hahahahaha!

After giving away her brother as her bait, Ri-jin wanted to hear what Yo-na knew about X, but Yo-na only said that Ri-jin had to be happy smiling brightly in order for X to disappear. Yo-na refused to share with Ri-jin more than that and chose Ri-jin’s bed as her landing place for the night. Ri-jin gave up and lied on the floor, but Yo-na suddenly called her.

Yo-na: Hey, you wench. Thank you. Thanks for treating me like a friend and a sister. Thanks for listening to my wish today. Anyhow, I’m thankful for everything. In my life, you’re the first person I met who’s good at fighting! Live well.

Ri-jin realized that it was probably her farewell speech but Yo-na tried to hide her tears. Early in the morning, Yo-na was standing outside the house, looking at Ssangri with a sad face. Yo-sub was also there behind him, but he was urging her to come with him, because they needed to leave in order for Do-hyun and Ri-jin to be at peace. She was crying and darted away, before disappearing into the thin air. Yo-sub took his last glance at the bulding and quoted Valéry Paul’s Le Cimetière marin (The Graveyard By The Sea).

Yo-sub: Le vent se lève. Il faut tenter de vivre. (The wind rises. We must try to live.) Goodbye, noona. Thank you.

With that, the twins left..

..and Do-hyun woke up, with Yo-na’s headband in his hand. He folded her jacket carefully and stroked the name tag bearing the name “Ahn Yo-na” gently, as Ri-jin was trying to hide her sobbing face.

But she was actually trying to get rid of the real last message left by Yo-na: the brand “violent wench” written on her forehead, and the girl even took a picture with sleeping Ri-jin. It turned out that Yo-na left while Ri-jin was asleep, and Ri-jin was so upset that the bratty Yo-na went away just like that. Do-hyun called her unni, teasing between his tears that she needed to wash off her ‘make up’.

❤

Do-hyun’s day had just started and he received another surprise: his father was finally regained his consciousness, but he didn’t tell anything to Ri-jin. He went back home by himself, still thinking about the fact that the assailant, his father Jun-pyo, was awake, and that person also caused Seo-yeon’s death. His headache attacked him again at the thought of the disturbing fact. Ri-jin went straight to Do-hyun’s house but he was nowhere to be seen around the house. She went to her room and saw a bump under her comforter.

She pulled the comforter to reveal the teddy she bought as a present for Nana, and also Do-hyun hiding behind the large teddy..except that he seemed so different from his usual self. Ri-jin wondered why he was there in her room and when he waved the teddy’s hand at her, she knew it: he was not Do-hyun; she was Nana. Just like how the alter corrected Do-hyun before, she explained that the teddy’s name was Nana, but Ri-jin knew the girl’s name: Cha Do-hyun.

Nana manifested into the image of little Ri-jin, and Ri-jin explained to her that she was the grown up version of her. She assured Nana that she had grown up well, receiving love from her parents, brother, and friends. Nana was no longer the girl locked in the basement, and she had received as much love as could. There’s something she wanted to say to Nana too, and now that she had met the girl, Ri-jin told her this..

Ri-jin: Back then, it’s not your fault that the man was mad at you. It wasn’t because you were bad or hateful; it was that man’s mistake. Do you know what I mean? So don’t get hurt, and don’t be afraid, okay? And you know, I will stay beside Mr. Cha from now on..so it’s okay for you to leave now.

Nana agreed to do so, but she asked for someone to go with her since she didn’t know where to go, and asked for Mr. X. Ri-jin wondered who X was, and Nana said that he was her father. Ri-jin then recalled another memory she had of the dark basement, where her younger self was wishing that her father would come and take her away from the room. Little Do-hyun sighed and said that her father had passed away, but corrected himself when little Ri-jin started to cry. He told her that her father was looking at her from the Heavens, protecting her no matter where she would be.

Do-hyun woke up from his slumber and found himself buried under the big teddy, and Ri-jin was still there beside him. He knew that Nana was there earlier, but Ri-jin just gave him a big hug.

Ri-jin: Thank you. I’m sorry that your heart has broken into another piece because of me, but thank you..I think I know how painful it was for you. You’re really my saviour and my ray of light. It’s a relief that we get to meet again..because I get to thank you.

There’s something Do-hyun had been keeping from Ri-jin, and he continued to be troubled over it..but he had started to be suspicious about his father’s involvement in the car accident. Someone appeared beside him in the bathroom..and it was Mr. X. He asked again, whether Do-hyun would like to open the bag and this time, Do-hyun nodded, agreeing to take the risk. The briefcase contained a small teddy, and X remarked that they could never guess what’s inside the bag before opening it. The fear was created out of one’s imagination, just like what Do-hyun was doing at that moment.

X convinced him to find out the truth of the past instead of mulling over his own imagination. When asked about his role as Nana’s father, X just said that it was Do-hyun who created the role, and the reason why he looked more like a magician rather than a father was because of the kid’s imagination. X joked, saying that he’s still thankful that he wasn’t imagined as Superman. Hehehe! Do-hyun assured him that he would protect Ri-jin and become stronger, so he didn’t have to worry anymore. X was glad to hear it and smiled encouragingly at Do-hyun before disappearing.

Do-hyun went to seek for the truth by going to meet his father at the hospital. Jun-pyo was still calling him his Jun-young, but Do-hyun wasn’t there to visit him. He didn’t wish to make his father from a assailant to a victim, so he thought that Jun-pyo should not pretend to be weak and act like a victim. He was there to ask Jun-pyo something: was he the one who planned Seo-yeon and Chairman Cha’s car accident back then? We didn’t get to hear his answer yet, but the Cha family members had a secret meeting regarding the appointment of chairman of the shareholders’ meeting.

Ki-joon was the one challenging the appointment and Do-hyun knew that the reason was his DID, and Ki-joon stated that it could affect the shareholders’ trust in them. Do-hyun was willing to take the risk, but there’s something more important they had to discuss, and wondered if Young-pyo had anything he wanted to say regarding the car accident 21 years ago. Jun-pyo was the one who told Do-hyun the truth, and Young-pyo was the one who sent the new driver. But then, Jun-pyo covered everything about the accident despite knowing the truth because of his ambition to become the company’s Chairman, and joined forces with Young-pyo. If that’s not enough of a weakness, Do-hyun presented to Chairman Seo every single evidence pertaining Young-pyo’s secret transaction using the company’s money, including funds for his wife’s gallery.

Ki-joon must be fuming at his father for throwing off his chance to get the company, but Young-pyo offered to cover Do-hyun’s issues in return of covering his crimes. Do-hyun didn’t want to accept the offer, because he got nothing to lose if people were to find out about his illness, but Young-pyo could face jail sentence. Chairman Seo had the final word, thinking that they needed to discuss it further with other personnel to decide on the future of Seungjin. The father-son pairing left the meeting room, and Chairman Seo told Do-hyun that he would be the company’s only successor. She wished to leave Seungjin under his care, because he’s Cha Do-hyun..and the real monsters were the other people. She’s willing to wait until he finished his treatment, and she would protect the company in his stead while he’s receiving his treatment overseas.

Secretary Ahn had found out that Ri-jin went to meet Jun-pyo because of Madam Shin’s request, and Do-hyun couldn’t even leave the office when the headache attacked him. The first thing Jun-pyo said to Ri-jin after seeing her was how much she resembled her mother, before kneeling in front of her. He wanted to beg for his forgiveness, but he’s grateful that she’s still alive. Se-gi made his appearance and crashed the not-so-happy reunion party, with the intention of letting Jun-pyo know the only way he could beg for forgiveness from Ri-jin. He choked Jun-pyo, warning him to die faster and disappear from the world. Jun-pyo then realized that the violent man in front of him and the kid who started the fire was not his Jun-young, but it was Se-gi.

Ri-jin managed to tear off Se-gi from Jun-pyo and told the old man that he shouldn’t beg for their forgiveness. She said that even if she would forgive him, it was for Se-gi/Do-hyun’s sake, who had lived his life atoning his father’s sins and begging for her forgiveness while protecting her. Ri-jin told Jun-pyo to just wait and took Se-gi out of the room, telling him to run away with her.

Ri-jin: You know..Mr. Shin, do you have something you wish to have? I chose some gifts for the other alters, but strangely, I couldn’t choose one for you. Tell me, do you have anything you want to have?

Se-gi: You will never be able to give it to me.

Ri-jin: What is it?

Se-gi: You.

They stopped by somewhere to play with the sparklers and Ri-jin decided to ask Se-gi something: who’s prettier between her and the sparkler? Se-gi chose the sparkler and this guy didn’t know how to be romantic at all. Kekekekeke! Se-gi was thinking about staying beside her forever if he could, but he knew it so well that she’s wishing for him to disappear. She told him that he was the first person to treat her words as law, and now that she’s seeing an alter as a proper person, Se-gi thought that he would need more time to make her see him as a man.

Ri-jin apologized for calling him out in the first place and causing him to be created, but he changed the topic: so what’s her gift for him then?

Ri-jin take a step closer towards Se-gi and kissed him, since it’s the only gift she could think of for him after receiving so much from him. Awwwww. She made a great choice, because Se-gi himself praised her before going in for another kiss. Ri-jin recalled all the things he said to her: his wish to stay beside her forever, his wish to run away from the terrifying memories together with her, and his wish not to disappear.

Inside his mind, Do-hyun wondered if Se-gi wasn’t going to leave but Se-gi called him an idiot, saying that he’s going to do so, since Do-hyun regained his memories and he’s not needed anymore. Do-hyun tried to coax him with the fact that he would still be alive inside him, except that the body and the time belonged to Do-hyun alone. He asked for Se-gi to help him when he need him, but Se-gi refused to do so, since he won’t even get to use Do-hyun’s time and body. Se-gi reminded him that he would return if Do-hyun ever become fearful of the world again, so he should live well.

“Oy, Mr. Shin!”

“What?!”

“You’re..me.”

“I am..you. So..live your life well.”

❤

Do-hyun opened his eyes and Ri-jin was in front of him, crying at the sight of him and Se-gi’s disappearance. Her tears won’t stop and Do-hyun wiped her tears, before leaning in for a kiss.

행복해라…

One year later…

Ri-jin resumed her residency at Kanghan Hospital and she was still her usual self, greeting her patients like they were her friends. She saw something on the newspaper: a promotion about Omega’s new book (which already became a bestseller) entitled..you guess what, Kill Me, Heal Me! It was about the love story of a patient with personality disorder and a doctor. Hmmmm…that sounded so familiar, and Ri-jin recalled Ri-on’s denial of being someone who used other people’s life to make money. You’re so dead, Oh Ri-on! Wahahaha!

Ri-on was hanging out in the bookstore, as always, looking at his novels and reached for the book at the same time with a pretty lady (cameo by SNSD’s Yuri!). She wanted to have that book because of the secret message included in it, and the smitten Ri-on let her have it (of course). He wondered if she’s a fan of Omega, and the lady wished to see Omega’s face even once, who was said to resemble Won Bin. Pffffttttt way to boost his ego, because Ri-on brought out his pen and gave it to the lady, saying that it belonged to Omega. The lady offered to buy him a cup of coffee and Ri-on introduced himself as Oh Hwi, his playboy pen name. And the lady?

Her name was AHN. YO. NA. Oh, the lipstick, the hand gesture, and the hairband!

Yeah, Ri-on predicted it well that he would be ruined in this life, because as if his traumatic experience with the original Yo-na was not enough, there’s a real life Yo-na who’s there to pester him. Hahahahaha!

What about Do-hyun? Well, he’s happily chopping firewood for Ssangri but that didn’t last for too long, because Daddy Oh knocked hi head from behind, criticizing his work (“Are making chopsticks?) and sighing that the young man couldn’t do any work. LOL! He went to complain about Do-hyun to Mama Ji, but Do-hyun’s future mother-in-law thought that Do-hyun’s look attracted more female customers to their restaurant nowadays. Daddy Oh wanted to find another part-time worker but Mama Ji knew that Ri-jin would be angry if she found out about it. Mama Ji was thinking of marrying off Ri-jin to Do-hyun, but Daddy Oh didn’t want to give away his only daughter to a man who had been jobless for a year.

Oh, if only you knew that the Perry you knew was a chaebol..and Do-hyun seemed to keep his real identity a secret from the parents! He received a call from Secretary Ahn..who was no longer a Section Chief, but a Senior Managing Director! Director Ahn was doing the office work in Do-hyun’s stead for the time being and wondered when Do-hyun would be making his return to Seungjin. Do-hyun wished to live in Ssangri for a little longer (since he’s supposed to be overseas), because he felt happy there. Director Ahn promised to visit Do-hyun during the weekend, but he would never drink the beer brewed by Do-hyun again. Seeing how bad he was with every task, I bet his first brew didn’t go well. Hehehehe!

Do-hyun spent his afternoon lazing under the sun at the park (no wonder he loved living there) and Ri-jin joined him afterwards, lying beside him on the ground. He brought out a small box and showed the rings to Ri-jin. Ohhh were those couple rings? Awwwwwh! Ri-jin thought that couple rings were the sweetest handcuffs, and she exclaimed that she had just been handcuffed.

“Everyone has their own dark basement in his heart. Ignoring and and just watching him will only make the darkness grow. Lend your courage and turn the light on. If being alone terrifies you, it’s okay to hold someone’s hands.  It won’t be scary if I’m with you.”

[THE END]

Thank you, thank you, and thank YOU.

Sorry for the delay. I just..couldn’t seem to write faster, hoping that it won’t come to an end…but it did.

20 episodes have never felt so short, but the torture of waiting every week was crazy. It was probably a fated encounter with this drama in my case, because I checked out the first episode out of curiosity, and completely fell for Kill Me, Heal Me’s charms. Was it love at the first sight? I have never experienced such kind of love, so it could be. Hehehehe! The comedy, the romance, and the pain..all of them make this drama even more enjoyable, and I can’t imagine the show without any of those.

At first, the drama focuses on the multiple personalities and the disorder experienced by Do-hyun, and I’m glad to see it being treated, as much as a drama can be. Yes, it’s still a drama after all, not a documentary, but the focus on Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) in this series might spark some interest in the disorder among the viewers. Although it requires some suspension of disbelief when it comes to portrayal of the disorder itself, it’s up to the viewers to educate themselves more about what they watch, and perhaps, become more aware of the silent killers which are as harmful as the physical illnesses: mental illnesses.

DID experienced by Do-hyun stemmed from the abuse experienced by him and Ri-jin when they were young. Although Ri-jin was the one receiving the physical abuse, Do-hyun was mentally abused, with the thought that everything happened because of him, and he had to be responsible. What would responsibility mean to a 7-year old kid? Perhaps, Se-gi’s way of assuming responsibility by burning down the basement can be viewed as how desperate he was for him to risk everything – even his own life – in order to save his friend. Thus, began the long life of Jun-young, or later Do-hyun, as a guy living his life being cautious all the time.

[+] Okay, I think I will continue to cry if I just sit here doing nothing, so I might as well spill my thoughts :’)

As expected, Se-gi was the last alter to disappear, and while I thought that the alters might stay around for a bit longer, the drama decided to show all the farewell with the alters to us. As a result…TEARS everywhere (at least in my room). I think that there were few reasons why he could accept that he’s no longer a separate entity, but a part of Do-hyun. First, he could see how strong Ri-jin had become, even in front of her assailant, Jun-pyo. In fact, Se-gi was actually weaker in terms of his emotions, because he couldn’t stop himself from lashing out at Jun-pyo. The ward scene was probably a turning point for both Se-gi and Ri-jin: he was the one who tried protecting her from his father back then, and in the present, Ri-jin was the one who protected Se-gi from hurting himself even more. Moreover, she saw him as another person with wounds and scars, not just a burden. Perhaps, that was the only thing he had hoped for: to hear the person he cherished the most to acknowledge him and his existence. Because he existed for her.

Second was of course, Do-hyun. Do-hyun might have treated Se-gi as an unwanted baggage before he realized the truth, thinking that the alter was out to wreck his life. Se-gi, on the other hand, viewed Do-hyun as a useless coward who would hide when he encounter any difficulties. They were like two people in misunderstanding, and getting Se-gi to see how strong Do-hyun had become, not to forget having Do-hyun to acknowledge that Se-gi was a part of him – the most wounded and jaded of them all – helped a lot in integrating Se-gi back into Do-hyun’s soul. They were in agreement that they were indeed the one and only Cha Do-hyun, and both of them wished for the best in terms of their life.

Yo-sub was indeed the smartest among the alters, because he could sense that the farewell was looming around and bid his goodbye earlier than others. I’d like to think that he was the one who sent Yo-na out for the last time, and Yo-na didn’t only go to Ri-on because he was his crush. She probably could sense Do-hyun’s apologetic feelings towards Ri-on, and the song she sung to Ri-on (while locking his knees between her) was her own way of comforting him after the heartbreak. Ah, bratty princess Yo-na. Seeing Yo-na left after thanking Ri-jin for treating her like a real sister and then pranking her was so like her, and she deserves all the kisses with Ri-on.

The partings with the alters was the hardest for Ri-jin, because she was the one who met them, interacted with them, got to know them, and cared for them. Do-hyun might be the one with the alters, but he didn’t really encounter them directly like Ri-jin. It was probably like sending away friends you cherished far, far away…and it was just like us, bawling and crying and screaming to part with this show. But then, that did not mean that Do-hyun was less affected, because he did feel the emptiness, now that his ‘neighbours’ inside his heart had moved. But he knew that they’re still there inside him, and he had to live his life to the fullest, just like each and every alter of him did.

I have a feeling that the scene where Nana appeared was probably shot when Ji Sung lost his voice during the filming, but it turned out for the better. It was a powerful scene, giving Ri-jin the chance to comfort Nana, and also her younger self, telling them that she had survived and was living well. It was a great comfort, not just for them, but also for everyone with problems. This too shall pass, and tomorrow will come. Like what Ri-jin experienced, she didn’t lose hope and gained lots of love after what she experienced in the past.

No one could have guessed that X was actually an alter created to be Nana’s father, and I can only imagine how hard it was for Do-hyun for him to break himself like that out of guilt. I am a bit sad that X appeared only for a short while, not only because he’s so handsome wearing that hat, but because of his words of wisdom. He felt like a voice of reason for Do-hyun, and it would be nice to see (or hear) his voice from somewhere in the middle of the story, giving him advice. X’s demeanor reminded me of Ferry, probably because both of them were the fathers. To think that he actually went to Ri-jin first thing after he appeared, I kind of wishing that he could meet Ri-jin even once.

Yeah, I can’t say that this drama is perfect, because is there such thing as a perfect drama? Maybe close to perfection, but nothing is perfect. What matters the most is that the drama has managed to touch thousands, ten thousands, or even millions of hearts with its own heart, and that is one of the strongest points of this drama. Writer Jin Soo-wan did a great job portraying various issues in a light drama; PD Kim Jin-man directed the show to give us a healing drama; the staff who worked days and nights for the sake of meeting the schedule; and not to forget, the cast who made everything possible for this drama to receive lots of love and attention. Thank you so much Ji Sung for your amazing, awesome, extraordinary (and more) acting you showed this time. Cha Do-hyun, Shin Se-gi, Ferry Park, Ahn Yo-sub, Ahn Yo-na, Nana, and Mr X would never be the same without you, and you’re really fated to become Cha Do-hyun. Thank you Hwang Jung-eum for picking up this drama even when you’ve just completed your previous drama back then, giving us the kickass performance as Oh Ri-jin. I can’t imagine another actress in this role, and you made everything better through your awesome chemistry with Ji Sung. And Park Seo-joon…thank you for choosing this project even when you deserve a lead role, and I am proud to see your character Oh Ri-on coming alive as the best brother a female lead can have, and the best second lead a drama can have.

And now…how about a drama adapted from Ri-on’s novel, entitled Kill Me, Heal Me? Maybe I should rewatch everything from the beginning, just to relive the magic on 7th January 2015 at 10 PM.

Remember.