Kill Me, Heal Me – Episode 17

This hour can be regarded as a ‘Back to the Past’ segment, with most of the characters whose names we’re already familiar of make their appearance, although they only exist in the memories of the people who are still alive. Although the end is just on the horizon, it does feel strange to get to know what happened to the elders and the kids – who have grown up with scars inside their hearts – after being teased with bits and pieces of the past. It’s still the angst season in the drama, so consider yourself warned before diving into this episode!

[Episode 17]

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Everything felt like a dream for both Do-hyun and Ri-jin, as they recalled the real owner of the name Cha Do-hyun. Little Ri-jin also told Do-hyun his real name, but we didn’t get to hear it just yet. The shock was too much for Ri-jin to handle and she started crying while gasping for air, before her family gathered around her. Do-hyun reached for the teddy bear and hugged it tight, as the memories of little Ri-jin, the abuse, and the fire, flashed in front of his eyes. He could only screamed out loud in frustration, realizing that he had taken away the identity of Cha Do-hyun while the real owner disappeared from the world without a trace, bringing together with her the proof of her abuse..

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The swing scene in the real Do-hyun, or Ri-jin’s memories, was actually from the time she spent in the US together with her mother, Seo-yeon. The little girl even said that she came from her mother’s belly, just like how she came from Mama Ji’s heart. It was back in 1993, and the late Chairman Cha (who was still alive at that time) went to meet Seo-yeon. He was well aware that little Ri-jin (for simplicity sake, I’ll stick with the character’s current name!) was Seo-yeon’s daughter with the man she loved even before she married Jun-pyo, but he needed Seo-yeon’s help in managing the company. He still had the divorce papers of them in his hands, so Seo-yeon was still legally married to Jun-pyo.

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Chairman Cha also knew that Seo-yeon was desperate since she had spent her entire fortune for her lover’s hospital bills, and he gave her an irresistible offer: go back with him and little Ri-jin could be added to Jun-pyo’s family register, because Jun-pyo would never return after cutting all ties with Seungjin. Instead of living by themselves in the foreign land, Seo-yeon could return to Seungjin, and little Ri-jin could be groomed into a person valuable to Seungjin since she resembled her mother. So off the mother-daughter pairing went back to Korea, but Seo-yeon couldn’t hide her guilt when Grandma Seo (she wasn’t the chairman yet at that time) greeted little Ri-jin warmly, thinking that the girl was the one and only blood of Jun-pyo.

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Except that Jun-pyo’s already raising a child of his own while living in Yeosu and known as Mr. Park. Little Do-hyun wondered why his father let people call himself Mr. Park although his family name was actually Cha, and Jun-pyo said that it was because he wanted to live freely, and he could do so, to some extent, by living under a false name. Jun-pyo then explained what his opinion on the real definition of living freely: doing things he like such as buying a boat, traveling on that boat, fishing, reading books, painting pictures, writing, and then resuming his daily work once he returned to the land. Little Do-hyun offered to buy his father a boat, and Jun-pyo already had a name for the boat: Ferry Park.

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Do-hyun was already asleep by the time Madam Shin went back to their small house from her job at a restaurant, and she continued to remind Jun-pyo about Do-hyun’s need to register for school on the following year. Although Jun-pyo thought that it would be okay for them to include the kid in Madam Shin’s family register, she refused to do so and urged for Jun-pyo to go back to his family so that their son could be included in Jun-pyo’s family register. The boy stirred up awake because of their argument and the first thing he did was to look for his father, showing how close they were. Madam Shin insisted that Jun-pyo go back to his family, for the sake of his son. They boarded the bus to Seoul and the boy could see that his father wasn’t that happy to meet his family; however, Jun-pyo put on his happy face and assured his son that it would be okay with meeting grandpa and grandma, and they would bring Madam Shin later after settling his school matters.

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Jun-pyo’s return to the mansion was truly unexpected, and Seo-yeon couldn’t look into his eyes when he asked about little Ri-jin. Chairman Cha threw back the divorce papers at Jun-pyo and made him choose between staying married to Seo-yeon or take his son out of the house, because Seo-yeon was the only useful person to him. Jun-pyo suggested that Chairman Cha deal with Seo-yeon’s child first, because he had never touched that woman ever since they got married, and there’s no way for that girl to be his. Grandma Seo heard their conversation (or argument?) and barely able to hold on to the tray she was holding at that moment.

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Little Do-hyun went outside and little Ri-jin approached him, asking him the question that was too familiar: what’s his name? We got to hear Do-hyun’s real name this time, as the boy introduced himself as Cha Jun-young. The girl then told him her name: Cha Do-hyun, and they played together, jumping on the big trampoline in front of the house.

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Back to the present, Chairman Seo’s day didn’t start very well, as she had to deal with news articles related to Jun-pyo. She was furious and left the house in a huff, while Madam Shin smiled victoriously after the chairman left. The article was about Jun-pyo’s vegetable state and his thin chance of making a successful recovery, and it’s easy to guess who released the details to the media. Madam Shin contacted Young-pyo to remind him about his promise, that was to hand over the management of the department stores and the car manufacturing business to Do-hyun, in return for the info she gave him. Ki-joon thought that it could be a move that would stab him in the back, but his father assured him that it was a move needed in playing the politics game.

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Chairman Seo had a visitor waiting for her in her office, and it was Chae-yeon. She was there to discuss something about Do-hyun and her, after reading the articles about Jun-pyo before coming there. As for Do-hyun, he was still mulling about the family register, and Secretary Ahn had informed him that there was an application made to adjust the family register right after he entered Seungjin in April 1994 and one month later, the gender of Cha Do-hyun was changed from female to male in the register. He realized that the matter was Chairman Seo’s doing, and leaned on to the teddy’s big head. Poor guy, he’s always alone at times like this 😥

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Chae-yeon told the chairman that Do-hyun was the reason she broke her engagement with Ki-joon, and she was there to offer her family’s help in return for Chairman Seo’s favour. She wanted to receive the green light for her relationship with Do-hyun and she wished to see Do-hyun get a higher position in Seungjin, since she couldn’t bear having the person beside her staying in a low position. Chairman Seo was willing to listen to her requests, because Chae-yeon’s family held a considerable amount of stocks in the company, and Chae-yeon could easily persuade the other stockholders with her family’s influence.

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Do-hyun spent his morning running on the treadmill and Secretary Ahn visited him with the news about Jun-pyo’s articles published in the media, but Do-hyun was already aware of it; however, Do-hyun didn’t want to offer his help first, because he wanted to wait until his grandma herself went to ask for his help. He would make Seungjin Group his, but it’s not the time yet for him to make his move. Secretary Ahn received the photo of the servers and chefs during the garden party held at the old Seungjin mansion on the day the fire incident happened, and Do-hyun recognized one of the faces in it: Mama Ji. He realized that the person who rescued little Ri-jin on that day was her.

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Dr. Seok made a visit to Ri-jin’s house on that morning but when asked if Ri-jin received a big shock before she fainted, the family only explained that it was because of her secret physician job that didn’t end up well. Dr. Seok called Do-hyun and the latter apologized for not telling about Ri-jin’s contract earlier, but Dr. Seok contacted him to inform him about Ri-jin. The doctor guessed that both of them had remembered their forgotten memories and they were not that pretty, but he was also worried that Ri-jin could experience repetition compulsion if she’s not treated properly. Do-hyun was stunned, and someone should really give this kid a break from all this cray-cray.

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Ri-jin opened her eyes to see Mama Ji nodding off beside her bed, and she told Mama Ji that she remembered everything: from how she was saved from the basement during the fire, to her real name, Do-hyun.

Ri-jin: But..but then. why that person became Cha Do-hyun? That person…how did he lost his own name? Why, and for what reason both of us had our names snatched away? You know, Mom..I really liked my name. I am really thankful to Mom and Dad, who made me into Ri-jin today. And..I really liked that person’s name. But now…what should I call that person? What should I call him?

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Do-hyun’s taking the shock quite the hard way, because he went to vomit whatever he had eaten before that. He could only laugh bitterly at the memory of him proudly introducing himself to Ri-jin and ironically, that name was not even his. The headache attack happened again and Do-hyun went searching for his pills in the study, but he saw a flash drive with a small note attached to it. It was from Ri-jin, with the note, “Watch this when you need your pills!” He plugged in the drive and the video Ri-jin recorded before they went on their farewell trip played on the laptop screen.

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Ri-jin: Are you watching, Cha Do-hyun? Are you listening, Cha Do-hyun? You’re going to take the pills, right?! I caught you! Don’t think of lying to me~ Since you’re watching this video, something difficult must have happened that caused you to go for the pills. It’s not that the pills are bad. You said it matter what happens, you wanted to overcome everything with me, replacing the unhappy memories with good memories together with me. So, what is going to happen today? We are going to take the train and make lots of good memories, right? Just get rid of all the pills you have bought, and keep yourself full of good memories. Are you ready?! I’m ready! And..I have something to confess. I couldn’t confess since I thought of all the professionalism as a doctor…

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Ri-jin confessed that she liked Do-hyun, and the pitiful guy could only sigh in front of his laptop. She really liked him a lot, and the video ended there. Ri-jin let the tears roll down her cheek back home, while Do-hyun cried and released his pent-up anger by punching the desk. Arghhhhh this is painful ㅠㅠ

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Ri-on went to Ri-jin’s room but she didn’t response to his questions at all. He couldn’t take it anymore and demanded to know how long she was planning to stay in that condition. She tried to fight back, but Ri-on had his reason for screaming at her, because she had been suffering by herself and at the same time, causing the entire family to be unable to function for the whole day. Just like how they ‘introduced’ themselves when they first met in the past, Ri-on stated that he preferred a strong sister to a crybaby and he won’t treat her as his sister if she continued to cry. Ri-jin admitted that she was wrong this time, and Ri-on was the reason she became stronger over time. She pleaded for him not to say such thing again, because that was the thing she was most scared of when they were young, that was to lose him as her brother.

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Ri-jin followed Ri-on’s every word, from eating to strolling at the park together with Rina. They spent their time running around and lying on the ground while communicating through their minds. Ri-jin thanked Ri-on for giving her some of his family’s love and being her family. She expressed how much she loved him and Ri-on thanked her back for loving him. Ah, these two ㅜㅜ

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The lonely Puppy Do-hyun was still crying but he decided that it was time to make his move, smiling at the thought of Ri-jin before preparing to go out. Before he could get on his car, another car stopped in front of his door and it was Chairman Seo. Do-hyun wasn’t interested in listening to her, moreover she was still haughty as ever despite being in a difficult position. He wasn’t thinking of returning to Seungjin anytime soon and he would do so after giving more thought about it, but the chairman offered to tell him what exactly happened 21 years ago. Although he wanted to find the truth himself, it couldn’t be denied that Chairman Seo was the only person alive who knew about the secret of their family.


They went to visit Jun-pyo at the nursing home, because Chairman Seo wanted Do-hyun to promise in front of his father that he would go back to the company after hearing about the past from her, but Do-hyun wanted to hear to the story first before making his decision. We traveled back to the day when a party was organized to congratulate Jun-pyo for becoming the Chairman of Seungjin Group, somewhere in May 1994.

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Grandma Seo was so proud to see her son finally taking his rightful position, and the other elders like Young-pyo, Madam Yoon, and Chae-yeon’s mother were also present at the party. The grandma went to check on the food preparation and Mama Ji was also there, since she was a part of the chef team. Moments after Grandma Seo left the preparation room, little Do-hyun went inside and asked the housekeeper to get something to eat, but the boy also put the food prepared for the party into a plastic bag before hiding it inside his backpack. The housekeeper told Mama Ji that the boy was actually the illegitimate son of the newly appointed chairman.

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Madam Shin was waiting for his son when Do-hyun went to his room and she explained that Jun-pyo would introduce him during the party. Little Do-hyun was worried for her, but Madam Shin was willing to live avoiding the public until little Do-hyun inherited the company from his father, because she was willing to do anything as long as Do-hyun got to be the owner of Seungjin. Dang it, so she had been brainwashing that boy since then! Jun-pyo made the announcement to introduce his son to the guests and the ladies started to gossip about the accident (which killed Chairman Cha and Seo-yeon) and Do-hyun being a mistress’s son.

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Little Do-hyun sneaked out of the room but Mama Ji called him, asking him where the basement was. The mention of basement made him nervous and he grabbed the chance to hide when he realized that his father had went out of the banquet room. Mama Ji didn’t think too much of it and walked away, while Jun-pyo went to call Do-hyun. He saw that Do-hyun was not in his room and he followed after Do-hyun, with Mama Ji watching him closely behind.

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Do-hyun’s destination was the basement, and he apologized to little Ri-jin for being late. He urged her to pack her belongings, because they should run to a faraway place by taking the train. The girl was excited at first, but then, she realized that she didn’t have any money with her. Do-hyun assured her that he’s got enough money and took her hand since they had to leave before his father knew about this, but it was too late for them.

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Jun-pyo was already standing in front of the door to the poor kids’ surprise, and he didn’t wait for too long to drag Do-hyun out of the basement room before entering the dark room. Little Do-hyun could only cry from outside of the room, pleading for his father to stop hitting ‘Do-hyun’. Grandma Seo noticed that Jun-pyo had been gone for a while and she went to find him, but she saw something in the basement before hearing someone shouting, “Fire!”

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The present Do-hyun concluded from his grandma’s story that someone started the fire instead of it being an accident, and he demanded to know who was the arsonist. The grandma continued her story, and the person she saw in the basement hallway was little Do-hyun, walking slowly while dragging with him a bottle of kerosene. Do-hyun was the one who started the fire, and Chairman Seo had to bury the truth because her only grandson was the arsonist, and her only son was hurt while trying to save Do-hyun.

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Do-hyun slowly withdrew himself from the room, and he couldn’t believe what he just heard from his grandma. His headache grew worse, and another wave of memories hit him. Little Do-hyun screamed and knocked on the door to the basement but Jun-pyo won’t open it, and he started to blame himself for causing little Ri-jin to be beaten by his father. The boy experienced the same headache as the present Do-hyun, and a voice inside his head offered to save the girl in his stead, because he couldn’t do it.

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The boy grabbed the box of matches (the brand New Century = Shin Se-gi) he saw beside the heater and he was not crying anymore; little Do-hyun was determined to do whatever he was thinking of doing at that moment and he sent the kerosene bottle tumbling down the stairs before lighting up the place with fire. Another figure joined him watching over the fire, and it was Se-gi.

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Se-gi: You made me at that moment. I saved that child. The person who saved that child was me.

The present Do-hyun was lying there on the floor without any reaction, and then he started to tap his fingers like he usually did. Was it Se-gi?

Oh yes, that was really him…because he went straight to Ri-jin after that.

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Se-gi: Sorry for being late. Let’s go.

[END of Episode 17]

The name.

Do-hyun is Ri-jin’s;

Se-gi is a box of red matches;

Ferry Park is (just) a boat’s name;

X is unknown;

Nana is a teddy bear;

So Yo-sub is upset;

And Yo-na is excited?

Jun-young, poor boy!


I can’t even begin to describe my feelings while I was watching the episode, because they ranged from intense sadness to intense rage. We’re getting to the bottom of the whole problem, but who is the real sinner this time? It’s overwhelming, and it’s hard to determine the person who started it all, because it’s like a domino effect going into all directions. Every single piece of domino fell, just like how everyone involved in the secret in the first place was affected.

Do-hyun/Jun-young is no doubt the person who became most scarred from the incident compared to others, and it’s amazing that he still manage to keep his sanity for this long. Shock after shock, torture after torture, and he faced it all by himself. At least Ri-jin still has her family and the awesome Ri-on to support her, but Do-hyun can only hug that teddy bear.


I am so upset, because I pity him so much.

[+] Looks like the anger won’t go away for a while, so pardon the possible ‘explosion’ in the following paragraphs. Hmmmmm

It’s hard to pinpoint one person who caused the whole mess, because everyone contributed their own ‘share’, either intentional or not. Chairman Cha brought back Seo-yeon and Do-hyun thinking that Jun-pyo would never come back; Seo-yeon decided to accept the chairman’s offer for Do-hyun’s future; Madam Shin forced Jun-pyo to go back to his family for their son’s future; Jun-pyo made up his mind to return because of his son; and Chairman Seo became as cold as ice to protect her crumbling family. One fan in the Korean forum DC made an interesting discovery: the name Seungjin is a brand of bean powder, and the Korean phrase for bean powder (kongkaru/콩가루) is another term for a broken family. How fitting of a name to describe the exact state of Seungjin’s family.


But then, that doesn’t mean that no one was completely innocent in the matter. In my opinion, although Jun-pyo was dragged into the whole mess and had to withstand the humiliation of raising a kid that was not his, that didn’t give him the right to direct those anger at the innocent child. He probably saw little Ri-jin as Seo-yeon’s incarnation and served as a reminder for his failed marriage, and it didn’t help at all that the girl was Seo-yeon’s daughter from her relationship with her lover. There were other options for him to deal with the girl, like taking a paternity test to prove that she wasn’t Jun-pyo’s blood and then send out to the orphanage after Seo-yeon’s death, but Jun-pyo chose the worst option ever: lashing out his anger towards the poor child. Even if he couldn’t stop himself from making that decision, why didn’t anyone else try to stop him? People like Chairman Seo and Madam Shin, what were they doing when Jun-pyo was hitting and abusing little Ri-jin? Did they just stand behind and watch the whole thing like a movie?

The car accident which killed Chairman Cha and Seo-yeon had been suspicious from the beginning, and it was too convenient to be treated as a pure accident. Who was the person who caused the accident? Seungjin Group is really something, and I really hope that Do-hyun/Jun-young will wash his hands off the company forever.


Now, onto the most pitiful person ever, and the one who underwent the most excruciating pain that was not even his from the beginning…Cha Do-hyun. Jun-young is a very beautiful name, but since we have come to associate that face and those eyes with that name for 16 episodes, I’m going to keep addressing him as Cha Do-hyun.

No one could have guessed that Se-gi’s name was originally a brand for matches, but that name is pretty common to be used as store names in the country (like drugstore, family mart, etc). Now that we’ve seen how Se-gi was born, it has been proved that Do-hyun’s DID started when he was seven, and the dormant Se-gi only came out after being triggered by Jennifer’s abuse when he was 17. Now that Do-hyun realized that he was the real arsonist, no one could imagine the pressure he’s under at that moment, because from his point of view, all things happened because of him. His father changed after they entered Seungjin, little Ri-jin was abused every time he made a mistake, and now, the fire was his doing all along. His guilt seems never ending, and it’s amazingthat he still manage to keep his sanity for this long. Repeating this sentence because that’s the thing I have on my mind when I see Do-hyun in this episode.

Se-gi’s appearance was quite a surprise, because I thought that he would only appear for one last time to say goodbye to the girl he tried to protect back then. Maybe…this is goodbye for him? He is probably trying to keep the promise he made with little Ri-jin years ago….Ah, now that Ri-jin has remembered everything, I want to see how their interaction will be, although I’m a bit wary for Alex’s involvement between them. Did Se-gi have a rift with that man when he made his appearance in the US? That would explain why Alex seems to have bad intention against Do-hyun/Se-gi.


We also learned the origin of the name Ferry Park, and that alter was indeed created as the ideal image of Jun-pyo. The father-son pairing was so close when they were living in Yeosu, and the sight of a smiling and carefree Jun-pyo made it even more painful to watch. To think that he had a 180-degree change once he entered Seungjin, it was also tragic that he gave the person he cherished the most the deepest wound one could imagine. What could have happened if they didn’t go back to Seungjin? Jun-young would grow up to become an ordinary man but still above the average; Jun-pyo would live as freely as he could; and the original Do-hyun would be the heiress to the large company. Everyone would be happy…and we won’t have this drama. Heh. The pain won’t have started if Do-hyun didn’t try to find his memories, but then, would he be able to live happily while suffering from his illness?

Great, I have written to much again. Huhuhu. Thanks for all your comments, but keep it civil at all times! ^^v


I can see everything from here~

46 thoughts on “Kill Me, Heal Me – Episode 17

  1. Thanks for fast recap (as always). I’m just glad that dohyun’s real name wasnt shin segi. Just like you said, its like domino effect. Uri puppy, you have to going stronger jebal.

  2. Thank you once again, @mimi.

    This episode… Had so much good quality story-craft, and story-wise was so upsetting…

    I’m glad that Shin Se-gi came out again. It’s awful that Puppy lost control, but wholly understandable, and serves as a good way to get our couple back in contact with each other with so few episodes left.

    Ri-on did a great job turning Ri-jin’s thoughts to what she has in the here-and-now.

    That scene where Ri-jin was speaking her confusion over their names was really well done, and her line that she liked his name but now she doesn’t know what to call him, just really sticks, doesn’t it?
    Not in the same way but I think many viewers are feeling like saying the same words, so it felt like both a meaningful scene as well as a breaking of the fourth wall again…

    So, if I understood what was shown right, Jun-young’s mind broke as he heard his father beating and throwing little Ri-jin around again and then Se-gi was made. For a seven year-old did he set the fire because he wanted to get rid of that house that -in his perspective- had turned his father into a monster and wanted to get rid of the basement so that Ri-jin could be free?
    So, then Se-gi took the matches and first started the fire in one part of the house and then walked to another section of the basement to the stairs where his grandmother saw him dragging the kerosene jug. Then she hears someone shout fire, but freaked out by the expression on her grandchild’s face she doesn’t go and stop him but leaves him to throw the jug down the stairs and light the second source of the fire?

    Just what. What was she thinking…? She says she had no choice but for the sake of her grandson, her only son, and Seungjin to cover up the truth of the fire, and blames Puppy so harshly, but she didn’t even attempt to stop or save him?

    I was also a little confused. They applied to change the family registry in April 1994, right? One month later -thus May 1994- “Cha Do-hyun”‘s gender was changed. In that same month, May 1994, was the party, so they were already planning to change Jun-young’s name to “Do-hyun” before the fire…? Then why were his parents still calling him “Jun-young” on that day? Or was it that they made an application to change the register without specifying what change needed to be made -is that even possible?- and then after the fire once Jun-young woke up confused that he was “Do-hyun”, they decided to just change the child’s gender and not the name as well?

      1. @jomo143, thank you that makes sense if the subtitles are correct. Then they were originally planning to put Puppy in Ri-jin’s spot but keep his own name since neither child had been introduced to the public before, I guess. And, they were planning on changing both the registered child’s name and gender in the family register after the formal introducing Cha Jun-young? I wonder why they didn’t change it before the party.

  3. Oh, almost forgot. I wanted to give another round of applause for how Ji Sung let some of Se-gi’s body language through when Puppy was angry and tense while speaking with Secretary Ahn in the exercise room about Chairman Seo’s company struggles.

    I think it’s realistic if this drama doesn’t end with him fully healed but on his way to healing. I wonder if the Oh parents, who will probably find out about Ri-jin being his physician, I think, will allow her to continue treating him -if he doesn’t decide to enter an institution for treatment- but on the condition that he moves in with them so that the whole family can help out -and provide chaperonage-. Would that be a realistic scenario? I know that he lived by himself in the States, but I do think it is safer for him to live with someone else in the house.

    1. i agree with your alternative ending…hopefully, the Oh family showers Jun Young/male DH with much love as they do with RJ/DH and RO so that he continue healing

  4. Exactly. After all, Do Hyun is still the pitiful one. I sorta knew Do Hyun started the fire, so I wasn’t suprised. Because its something I would have done too, If my mind was twisted.
    Now this drama feels dark and sad. I don’t even expect an happy ending again. Do Hyun should loose the name and move to another planent. And Chae Yeon??? Can somebody lock her up and throw the keys where the sun don’t shine. #bleh.
    But really, I don’t know how Do Hyun and Ri-jin will survive this. It is just sad group hug

    1. I wish that Chae-yeon will be told in the end that what Do-hyun(JS) said to her was really just his alter getting revenge on him. I think that might be a big blow to her pride and hopefully get her to …how to put it.. see a person as a “person” not a thing to be acquired. …Or would that be hoping for too much?

      And, I was really surprised from the ep18 preview that Ki-joon actually has Alex come over from the States. O_O I thought that he would just hear past dirt from him and use that to put Shin Hwa-ran at a disadvantage in negotiations with his father, Cha Young-pyo. I didn’t think he would bring him to Korea to mess with Do-hyun/Jun-young.

  5. Been a lurker for so long. Thank u for the recap. You are jjang!!!

    Gosh, can someone please give Do Hyun some hugs?? It hurts so much to see how alone he is in all of this and has been for so many years. I hate hate his family with all the passion. May all of them rot in hell.

    I really want to blame everything to grandpa, also. He forced the marriage, created seed of jealousy by choosing refusing to budge even a little (I dont see why he cant just gave min seo yeon a significant company share so she cd be the ceo without having to chain her inside the family, creating this ugly mess). Though what jun pyo did was horrifying and can never be justified, i can see where the seed of hatred comes from. Gosh, I want Do Hyun to get the company, sell it, give a significant amt to charity and buy a boat and then live freely. Give the boy a break.

    Augh, i shd stop. Didnt plan to write this much, but cant help it, lol.

    1. I think the reason why the grandfather, Cha Gun-ho, was so hung up on having the perfect successor and Min Seo-yeon having to be part of the family is because he stole the half of the company that had belonged to his younger brother the father of Cha Young-pyo and Ki-joon’s grandfather, who had been a co-founder of the Seungjin Group.
      Because of that he needed his line of successorship to be rock solid. Otherwise, he would face the same problems that Chairman Seo is currently facing with the shareholders moving to give the power back to Cha Young-pyo’s line of the family.

      So, it started with greed and perceived desperate straits for many of the characters.

      Cha Gun-ho betrayed his brother -if we are to believe what Cha Young-pyo said.- Partially, because of that he was cruel and uncaring to his son who failed to meant his expectations. And, because of Gun-ho’s temperament, his wife Seo Tae-im was probably even more attached to her son than she would have been if affection and caring had been mutually flowing all around in their family.

      It’s already be discussed under previous episodes by others about Cha Jun-pyo’s various problems and they were exacerbated by his parents treatment of him.

      Shin Hwa-ran was/is a gold-digger, who was desperate to get out of a life she couldn’t stand and so used/uses Jun-pyo and Jun-young as tools for that purpose.

      Min Seo-yeon had been hardened by her own family’s pressure and selling her off to Seungjin when their fortunes started to fall. She gave in to the call for a more well-to-do life when it came to her daughter’s future, even though it meant doing a clear wrong against Jun-pyo, regardless of whether he never would have returned or not, and foreswearing her daughter’s identity as the child of the man she had loved.

      And, Cha Gun-ho had absolutely no faith in his son, not even a smidgen and would hardly give him a chance. That’s why he did not file the divorce papers, but kept his claws in Min Seo-yeon; and therefore probably also had no good expectations from Jun-pyo’s son via a mistress, so he was wholly unwilling to correct the fraud he had made to the family register; especially because disinheriting Do-hyun/Ri-jin would cause Min Seo-yeon to have no reason to stay in the Seungjin Group.

      A brilliant business person at the company’s helm like his daughter-in-law with an heir who would most likely grow to be like her mother -and had been registered cleanly in their family register as a child-born-in-wedlock- was the picture he wanted the share-holders to see in order to keep the lion’s share of power and wealth firmly in his grasp.

      1. Ah, that makes sense. Tho it still didnt make me like granpa still. It’s amazing how do hyun grew up to be such a kind and almost well functioned adult. It’s for sure no thanks to his family. They are all horrible, from granpa to uncle to granma. I see what happened to ri jin, do hyun and to some extent, jun pyo, as the victim of the machinations of the greedy people around them.

        1. I whole-heartedly agree. I wonder which route the writer is going to take the end of the story. All those people getting their just deserts or them being left to continue in their current cold, empty lives of greed, but our OTP manage to escape them.

      2. I agree with your whole analyzation, sadly everything in the Cha household is purely drive by greed and thirst for power, I think this is what further breaks puppy seeing how twisted his family really is.

      3. The sad thing is that Grandmother Seo looked so kind in the past. When Ri Jin first time arrived to the Cha mansion, Grandmother Seo accept her wholeheartedly. Maybe because she was happy that Joon Pyo gave her a grandchild,
        It seems that the kindness inside her heart was dead slowly, because the greed and power thirsty of Cha family. Her love to her son become an obsession that blinded her from Joon Pyo’s action to the children.

        It is nice to see there is another shade to her character, even though in the present she become another hurdle to our OTP.

  6. As far we know Do-Hyund and his father are the ones that suffered more.
    Ri-Ji had family that loved her but he didn’t his birthright and identity was taken from him and he went through this difficulties alone. I don’t blame his father for what he did to Ri-ji he was only protecting what was his. Most of the blame goes to Ri-ji’s mother if she had not left her marital home for some lover and then chairman cha did a wrong thing by registering another man’s child as his grandchild. That was where all the problems began. Those two are to be blamed

    1. This comment is disgusting. You don’t blame that monster CJP for abusing a child???? You blame the mother and the grandfather but not the child abuser? What the f*** is wrong with you?

    2. Be civil guys, I’m sure we all have conflicting opinions on the drama, let’s just respect each other’s opinion and leave it at that. I’ll leave you with a quote of Rijin’s drunken words

      “Is there no freedom in this country? Is there no freedom of speech? Is the democrasy dead?”

  7. A box of matches!? Shin Se Gi stands for a box of matches? As far as plot twists go, that’s gotta be among the top.

    And anger. Anger is my emotion. Not at the episode, because it was a good one. I’m angry at the adults for screwing up two perfectly normal children. I’m even angry at Do Hyun for not talking to Ri Jin the moment he knew she knew. That’s why they should have done. They need to talk! I’m angry at him for leaving her, I mean look at Se Gi, he knew the truth and on the contrary, he made sure she was by his side all the time. I’m just angry is general, and I don’t know why! What is this drama doing to me…

    Speaking of Se Gi, now that we know he was the one to light the fire, I hope they won’t make him go down the path of evil. The next episode previous does not look reassuring.

    And just what the hell is wrong with Chae Yeon? Does she really not see that she’s just not wanted. What relationship with Do Hyun? My gosh that woman. Is it wrong that I kinda want Ri Jin to smack her and be like “Back off, I’m his first love!” I kinda want to see that.

    Also, I’m totally in love with the instrumental ost!!

    1. My gosh that woman. Is it wrong that I kinda want Ri Jin to smack her and be like “Back off, I’m his first love!” I kinda want to see that.

      Put me on that list too..! Super pokeman smack to her head. Stupid girl.. Using his condition as advantages to herself. Selfish as usual..

      Or maybe juz let her met with Ahn Yo Na for punishment.

      1. snort of laughter Oh my. I really want her to meet Ahn Yo-na now, @Aqee. You’ve put the mental image clear in my head. 🙂
        Poor Puppy, though. I think he’d hate for that to happen.

      2. Haha omg yes! Yo Na should go against her. I can’t get that out of my head. You know Yo Na would protect Ri Jin. She might act all tough with her, but deep down she cares for her! Sisterly love ftw!

  8. This episode is one hard pill to swallow, as we get full on wretchedness where no one is happy, with the few exception of Kijoon’s family and inhuman Mama Shin. Any traces of happy, blissful memories are completely erased by the re-emerging dark memories. If you think last two episodes were hard enough to get through, this one definitely takes the cake, with revelations from the past come flooding through, our leads get no moment of peace, as their heart, mind and soul continue to be battered by painful memories. Because two episodes aren’t enough, we get three in the mix for one painful journey down memory lane, though it seems the dark cloud isn’t going away anytime soon, at least we get the confirmation what really went down back then. I can’t even express how bad it was for me as a viewer, my mind is all a jumble and the heartache is unbearable, it’s on a whole new level of nasty for them, I don’t think my heart can mend after watching all these unraveling.

    Rijin and Dohyun (I’ll just stick to these names for now) get to taste/remember how everything came to be and how desperate they were as kids to survive the abuse, with zero help from the adults. We also get to be in Dohyun’s shoes as we explore the birth of his DID, the cause of it and the after-effects. It’s hard to define the sinners in this story because it was a string of decisions that led to the aftermath chain of reactions; everyone was operating with their and their loved ones best interest at heart, and end up hurting each other along the way. But it’s no excuse to hold the kids responsible for the sins of their parents, they were the true victims, they didn’t even have the chance to comprehend the situations before being hauled into the trauma abyss.

    Seeing Dohyun having a mental breakdown, on his own at that, was the breaking point for me. It makes perfect sense how Dohyun could not function fully as a single entity because he carries everyone’s pain on his shoulders and put the blame on himself (as the direct cause), so many things cut through him and dig his flesh, threatening to pierce his soul at every turn, I’m sitting at the edge of my seat wondering, how much more heartbreaks can this guy takes? As it turns out, finding out he was the one who started the fire is as far as he can go, before Segi comes slipping in for the rescue.

    I’m genuinely taken aback that Dohyun/Segi started the fire, I know he was only a helpless kid, frantic to find ways to save Rijin, but his precarious decision could have ended up taking his and Rijin’s life, there’s no way he’d know someone’d come save Rijin considering she was locked in the basement. Then it hits me when Dohyun/Segi started to claim Dohyun’s name as his own, he started the fire in hope to end all sufferings, especially Rijin’s, he didn’t think of the fire as a survival plan, but as an end to all the misfortunes, and he wanted to become ‘Dohyun’ to give back the little girl the life she deserved, and live with her identity while throwing his away, as a way to atone his family’s sins. As oppose to being fake, Dohyun convinced himself he’s THAT Dohyun because he basically gave up his identity for Rijin. In that sense, he’s been living his whole life for Rijin, not himself. Segi’s words to Rijin that his first love is thankfully alive carry some weight, like he was relieved the fire he caused did not take her life, yet I find it disturbing that he’d think he saved the child when he endangered them before the rescue took place. Of course, I could be wrong about the motivation behind the fire, but that’s how the message came across to me. We know Segi tends to be reckless and full of rage, combined with his intense desire to protect Rijin, I shudder to think that’s what really drove him to start the fire. I didn’t think this drama would go there with the rom-com premise, but it did, and I’m happy plot-wise but enraged for the inhumanity shown thus far.

    To be continued…I have to get ready for work. Gah.

    1. Continuation…

      “Ri-jin: But..but then. why that person became Cha Do-hyun? That person…how did he lost his own name? Why, and for what reason both of us had our names snatched away? You know, Mom..I really liked my name. I am really thankful to Mom and Dad, who made me into Ri-jin today. And..I really liked that person’s name. But now…what should I call that person? What should I call him?”

      I think Rijin’s speech is a beautiful metaphor that best describes her take on the newfound revelation. She loves her name as Rijin, as in she loves her new life as family Oh’s daughter, and she has loved ‘that person’ assuming he’s Dohyun, when he isn’t and he became a pitiful person who lost his own identity. There’s not a ounce of doubt or blame in her speech, instead she feels bad that Dohyun had to live under someone else’s identity and lost his own, it’s like she’s wondering what have they done to him? Also, I think she’s genuinely in pain not because of her own heartache, but her feelings and sympathy for Dohyun, though the name is hers to begin with, she knows that acknowledging the name would equal to stripping Dohyun of all he has. The only thing that soothe Dohyun’s heart in the past when the beasts inside of him threaten to take over, is his name, now even the mention of that name, especially in Rijin’s pre-breakup video, drives a knife further into Dohyun’s heart. Poor guy can’t even catch a break, it’s like the sky is falling on him.

      I understand the gravitas of all these revelations coming to light, but I don’t necessarily agree with some of the plot development. I mean, why bring Chaeyeon into a whole new territory of obsessiveness this late into the story? Why Mr. X has yet to reveal himself? And why, why let Segi come to take Dohyun’s place when we have all seen them integrated? I know I was in shell-shocked stupor when I found out Dohyun/Segi started the fire, let alone Dohyun who’s been through hell (much bigger than he could’ve handled) these past few weeks, but I’m still disappointed that we’re greeted by Segi, instead of Dohyun holding onto his consciousness at the end of the day. We’re only 3 episodes away from the end, can’t we just see him hold up for once, and not break down because of the past? He has had enough of self-blame, this poor guy needs to step up and get out of his self-blame box.

      I was doing some thinking over the week, and avoid coming because of all the emotional roller coaster I’ve been through (reading recaps, analyzing and watching Ep. 15&16) and at the brink of losing my mind over a drama, that I agree Segi’s the id of the trio, but I thought Dohyun and Mr.X’s roles could be inter-changeable, Dohyun could’ve been the super-ego, considering how hard he takes on everything and he has a really high sense of morality as oppose to everyone around him, and Mr.X could very well be the mediator that comes at the last moment to glue all the pieces/alters together and let Dohyun reconcile with himself once and for all. If that was the case, I’d be happy to wait for Mr.X to come out, if not I don’t think I can’t handle to see puppy being in pain anymore. I take back what I said about invested in being wring of tears, I didn’t know it came at the price of killing Dohyun over and over again.

      And I really hope the writer would give Shin Hwaran a chance or redemption at the end of these all, if not, Dohyun’d be really pitiful to have beasts-like parents. He deserves all the love in the world, as do Rijin, and he needed to know he doesn’t have to take on all the responsibilities of the choices made by the adults. I’m glad that Dohyun’s apple fall very far from the tree, and he’s the one fruit that neutralizes all the wickedness in Cha household. I saw someone mentioned about ‘Shine or Go Crazy’ here, and I can’t help associating the two dramas, it seems to me, the name of Cha Dohyun is cursed from the very beginning (Sorry Mama Min), Rijin was tortured because of it, and Dohyun tortured himself over it after taking on the name. After all these end, I hope Rijin and Dohyun respectively starts over and refuse claim on the name because it brings them nothing but heartache.

      Despite my misgiving of Segi showing up again, I’m happy that Segi reaches out to Rijin. I mean Dohyun wouldn’t have done it because he’d feel too bad about it, but Segi has always consciously seek Rijin out and I’m happy to see them reunite again, even if the circumstance is dire to be together again. And I see that Rijin never appear to reject Dohyun/Segi even from the beginning, because she feels a sense of security being around him, as she claimed in Dohyun’s dream about being scared staying in the basement alone but not if he’s with her. When will these two realize healing can only come when they are there for each other, not when they’re falling apart separately.

      1. Segi basically exists to protect Ri-jin, that’s his whole purpose. That is the reason why he goes to find her the moment he surfaces. I think this maybe Segi’s final outing and after that Mr. X will take over as the final integrated/semi-integrated host personality with the name Joon Young.

        1. Segi exists from Dohyun’s strong desire to protect Rijin, but his action of burning the whole place down does not translates to him protecting her. Maybe it was just to end her suffering, that’s how I felt when I read the recap, maybe I have to watch it tonight to know, but call me crazy, I think putting someone’e life in danger does not equal to saving her, unless he already knows Mama Oh was going to save Rijin.

      2. Well, you’re right. The idea of burning the whole mansion to the ground is not saving but Segi appeared first when he was little child, I am no expert in child psychology but I guess there is some explanation to that. And Joon-Young has since grown up but Segi is still stuck in time. He has the mentality of a little angry child who is also very stubborn and wants to fight all the time. I don’t think he was thinking anything through in terms of pros and con when he set the house on fire. He wanted save the little girl so set the fire as a distraction. The child, his eyes were cold when he was standing in the middle of fire asking his father to save the little girl first. I don’t think rationality applies to a broken little child’s psyche.

        1. That’s why I said it’s a little chilling that Segi’d think he saved Rijin, when he was the one who started the fire. I mean, sure the fire produced a chance of distraction for Mama Oh to save Rijin, but had it not been her, Rijin might have died in the fire. We know Segi is incapable of emotions outside of Rijin, but he could’ve known that none of the adults would have saved Rijin. I guess that’s why he was so enraged as he screamed to Chairman Seo that they should have saved the child, that it was a human thing to do. Like he expected them to shed the tiniest humanity and spare Rijin’s life but they all ultimately failed the test. Isn’t it scary that he used Rijin’s life to test the theory? That’s why Dohyun couldn’t handled it after knowing he was the arsonist, because he knows how wrong that is. Rationality may not apply to the broken child, but he certainly does not make it easy to digest the gravity of his actions.

  9. It’s my first time here, I accidentally stumbled on your site searching for related KMHM news. Oh man I didn’t even know about the recap. It’s so fast. Arigato! Domo Arigatogozaimashita!

  10. Thanks for the recap! So fast.

    The one thing I don’t understand at all is it appeared that Evil Gramma watched little DH drag the gasoline through the hall and then light it.

    Was that just her showing knowledge after the fact? Cause how can she blame the kid if she could have stopped him?

    En tout cas, I HATE HER so much and her freaking company and precious son.

  11. Thank you for the wonderful recap (as always).
    Poor Puppy, He is always lonely.
    Lucky Ri-Jin, She got a lot of love.
    I love Ri-On, He is a cool brother. yea.. ^o^
    Can’t wait for the next.^^

  12. Thanks for the recap! I don’t know what to write about this episode. What have the adults done! How pathetic and disgusting is the Cha household. It gave us pretty much all the answers, the secret are mostly out and we gear up in the next three episodes to see where that leads us. I am glad about one fact, Ri-Jin still does love her man even with the traumatic memories surfacing. So, I guess this maybe Se-gi final outing before he says goodbye. I hope the writer will tie up the inheritance crap as fast as possible. Ki Joon wants to reveal about Ji Sung’s character’s weakness. Go ahead, do that! Nothing good ever came from being a part of the Cha family officially for him at-least. It will set him free to explore who he is and build a life, one in which he has the chance to be happy. I really hope the DID secret is out in the open and he can walk away with his head held high. Ri-Jin won’t ever abandon him, that much is sure. She loves him.
    In my head, I see Joon-Young and Ri-Jin smiling and happy in Sang-ri around the Oh family, Ri-On, Dr. Seok and Secretary Ahn at the end. They still have a lot of healing to do but they are happily doing it together away from the sadness and the greed of the Cha family members. That’d be the perfect ending for me.

  13. Where is Mr X and Nana? So instead of 7 only 5 exist. b***lshit. A bit dissapointment to coz the drama is nearly end. Huhu

    1. Nana was there but they didn’t show the personality. Signs of her surfacing were there and they explained she is more like an image of Little Ri-Jin. Mr. X is still the one who hasn’t once made an appearance.

  14. The show is perfect in every way

    i cant help but roll my eyes when the fox lady is trying to make a deal with the grandma for her to accept her and cha do hyun’s relationship. she is so arrogant and over confident i dont what CDH saw in her. she thinks CDH still wants her when he repeatedly said no. pfft! idiot.

  15. OMG Shin Se Gi is actually the brand of the matches. “New Century” = Shin se gi
    New= Shin; Century=segi

  16. My heart is broken into many pieces by watching this episode TT TT we can see that junpyo is actually such a nice guy and good father to dohyun and he just want live freely and not under the late chairman control..the chairwoman is also a heartwarming person when she thought rijin is her come the kind and heartwarming person like junpyo and chairwoman can change to be like that TT
    And lastly i just can’t understand how the grandma not stop the little dohyun from start the second fire if she saw that kid bringing the kerosene bottle on that day!
    *someone please comfort dohyun!how come he’s alone and just with the teddy bear in this kind of situation..lucky rijin to have her family to support her..please rijin,you’re the only person can heal our puppy right the way rijin handle her memories when she not even blame dohyun for all the hit she get from the past and only thinking what to call that person if his name is also not matter what rijin and dohyun..remember this 5th march 2015, the day i’m becoming your die hard fans suppoter!!!xoxo ❤ ❤ ❤

    1. Ohh…how unthankful i’m right now..thanks @mimi for the beautiful’s really beautiful writing and make me take more time to comment here after read your recaps and i can’t do anything since this morning without thinking about this site you know!hahaha

  17. Just finished watching Ep. 17 at 1.47am. Didn’t think I could get through this episode (after reading the recap), so I waited until after I finished stalking soompi before watching this, and I’m glad I did because the spoilers in Ep.18 eased things up a bit. Reading about how Park Boyoung sent food truck to her man and the crews helped too, I was touched by her message: “Use our head of household well and return to me nicely~”

    Nevertheless one minute into the episode, I was already crying, that’s a first. I mean, people usually build up tensions to connect emotionally, but this drama, it just punches me in the guts. And I couldn’t stop crying every time Jisung came onto my screen, what a pitiful man!

    Just wanted to share a few things..

    No wonder people keep wondering if Shin Segi emerged after Dohyun found out about the origin of Dohyun’s name (pun intended), the rage in his eyes is totally the manifestation of Segi! And his voiceover sounded a lot like Segi. I like it when Dohyun shows signs of his alters in his body language, because they’re all in one, soon to be one!

    The scene where Rijin told Rion she couldn’t take it if he didn’t want to be her brother created some unintended hilarity (maybe I have a weird humor). I actually feel sorry that Park Seojoon was totally brother-zoned, and they had to use his OST to let us know he’s resigned to his fate. If that wasn’t clue enough, their happy stroll at the park with Rina, and their voiceovers of loving each other is another clue. Well, there goes that sinking ship.

    Right before the next preview started, I was stunned by Jisung’s singing voice. My first thought: “Rip off!” They totally ripped that off ‘Secret’. Jisung had sung the last OST of ‘Secret’, 3 episodes before the drama ended. Not that I’m complaining, but this drama tends to remind me too much of ‘Secret’, granted we only cried a river 3 episodes or so, whilst I pretty much cried the whole series of ‘Secret’ (an exaggeration). I enjoy both dramas immensely and I think this pairing will forever go down as my most favorite one, and even if there’s no immediate future pairing plan, I hope these two get to play parents to future young generations’ drama, like those seniors actors/actresses who get paired up as husband and wife so often!

    Had to mention this, never had I ever watched a confession that’s so heart wrenching. Confession should be beautiful and memorable, but this one, Rijin’s confession was a combination of beautiful and heartbreaking. She was confessing her feelings, which is sweet at first, until she mentioned her name and Dohyun fell apart all over again. T_T Don’t worry puppy, only good days waiting ahead. Rijin will be your black rose!

    1. Ok correction (had to go back and check). It was 2 episodes before it ended, Jisung released his OST in ‘Secret’. And both songs in ‘Secret’ and ‘Kill Me Heal Me’ reflect his characters and feelings.

    2. Ok, I’m horrified, I actually said Jisung’s wife’s name is Park Boyoung. She’s Lee Boyoung~ runs away embarrassed.

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